Finding Time for Your Marriage When Raising Kids...

**From the Book : Putting Family First by Doherty & Carlson

We teach our children about marriage by the way we live our marriage.

If we become full-time parental service providers, devoting little time to our marriage, our children will tend to approach their own marriages in the same way when they become parents.

If you are working on your marriage and giving time to it, be open with your children about what you are doing and why you are doing it. It is important for them to know that marriage is a relationship that requires time and attention.

Here are a few things you can do

* Plan marital time. Schedule time with your spouse. Write it on the family calendar, so that everyone can see it.

* Remind yourself repeatedly that your marriage is the foundation of your family. Your marriage is primary, not secondary ,to your family's well being. When it goes sour, the family goes sour.

* Don't let your children interrupt every conversation that you have with your mate. Teach them to ask if they can interrupt. Explain that you would not like them to interrupt, unless someone is hurt, or there is some other emergency.

* Have fixed bedtimes for your children. At this time, you are off duty and free to have time as a couple.

* Carve out private space. Let your children know that your bedroom is private. When the door is closed, they should knock. Consider getting a lock if you do not have one.

* Get a sitter and go out on regular dates. This is not only a good idea for your relationship,but it shows your children that you are indeed a couple who do special things together.

* Get away for an occasional weekend together WITHOUT the children. This is a wonderful way to revive your marriage and it gives you the opportunity to concentrate on each other.

* Make your anniversary a big deal. This shows your children that your believe that your marriage is worth celebrating. Get away if you can, even if it is just overnight.

*****************

Sometimes, I forget about my husbands needs.

No, Not THOSE needs! The ones that are easier to forget about.

I forget sometimes that he was my friend BEFORE we became parents.

He needs to hang out with me.

He needs to know that I still think he is a cutie-pie.

He needs to know that I still enjoy his company.

He needs to know that I will put on make-up and his favorite perfume if we are going on a date.( Not because I like it, but because he does)

He needs for me to flirt with him, in public, like I did when we were dating.

He needs to know that I appreciate him for the work he does, and that I am thankful for the home that we have built together

He needs to know that I am thankful to God for pointing him in my direction.

So, we do these things. We have to.

With 5 children( and who knows how many more on the way) it is easy to put our marriage on the back burner.

But I totally believe what this author says in his book, "Your family is the solar system. Your marriage is the sun and your children are the planets....Not the other way around."

Our kids do know that we enjoy each other- That we have fun,together.

I love it when I get all dressed up and Rachel notices the make-up.

Our conversation always goes like this.

Rachel-"Are you and Daddy goin' on a date?"

Mom- "Yep!"

Rachel -"Is Daddy your boyfriend?"

Mom-"Yep!"

Rachel-"Are you going to do Boyfriend- Girlfriend stuff?"

Mom-"Yep!"

Rachel- "Are ya'll gonna Kiss?"

Mom-"Yep!"

Rachel- "Ya'll are GROSS!"

Mom-"Yep!"

Yeah...They get it.

Peace.