And The Academy Award Goes To......

So tonight , as we listened to one long drawn-out acceptance
speech after another(yes we ALL watched the OSCARS)
we all wondered what our own speech would sound like.

" Oh My Goodness! I am so excited right now!
O.K...This trophy is GREAT but I just ran up and licked Johnny Depp backstage and I have to tell ya...He is just as yummy as I imagined.

I'd like to thank God for everything that I have,
My husband for loving me,
My children for keeping me humble,
My Mother and Father for choosing attractive people to marry ,
SlimFast and Spanx for helping me get into this dress,
Nails R US for these custom claws,
Sandra Bullock for donating this dress to charity so that i could purchase it on Ebay,
My hair dresser for covering the skunk stripe handed down by my grandmother,
My makeup artist, Ramone' , for using the "brightening makeup" ..Hello makeup..Bye-Bye Wrinkles,
the young man at "stage left" who helped me up the stairs in these shoes,
John Malcovich and Robert Downey Jr. for letting me sit between them tonight,
the Academy for voting for me,
and last but not least...Meryl Streep- for not doing a movie this year....
'cause if she had..everyone would have voted for her.

Thank You and God Bless "


Of course you'll never hear one of those... :)