
"Suzanne streaks her hair. Why can't I ?"
"But Mickey got a pair of those sneakers..."
"Everybody has pierced ears. I want mine pierced ,too."
Kids of all ages can be envious of others, wishing they had
what others have-clothes,friends,grades,a car,curly hair,
straight hair,etc. They think that if they have the same things,
they will become like the friends they admire.
"With the right clothes, I will be popular like Samantha",
or "When I get new high-tops, I'll play basketball as well as Jason does."
It's easy for kids to confuse skills and possessions with well-being.
They think that they need to have certain things to become
popular or athletic, and believe that this is the way to feel good
about themselves.
Unfortunately, this approach to life only sets the stage for disappointment,
as most of us have learned the hard way.
During the pre-teen and teenage years, when kids are more focused on
their peers than their parents, they may become obsessed with
having the right possessions.
This is also the time when kids are learning to think abstractly and
philosophically, and are beginning to define their place in the world.
Since this process is so daunting, kids may find refuge from the
confusion in "the group". Fitting in can become paramount.
We need to help our children recognize that individual differences
are wonderful, and in fact are to be desired.
We want our children to develop enough confidence in themselves
that they do not feel the need to resort to copying other kids or
hankering for certain possessions in an effort to belong.
We are all unique and wonderfully made.
A child or teenager with a strong self- image will have less of a
need to emulate others.
from the book: Children Learn What They Live- Parenting to Inspire Values
**************
We have a teenager and a tweeny.
They have been independent thinkers for as long
as I can remember.
They have never really been"into " being cool,
or one of the group.
Ben, our 7 year old , is the same way.
Rachel is different.
She likes to "run with the pack".
She likes to do what the big kids are doing-good or bad-
and will try to sneak around and do it-even if she knows
that she will get into trouble when she gets caught........And
bless her heart, she always gets caught!
I never ceases to amaze my that you can take a house full of children,
all raised by the same parents, all given the same rules, all given the
same amount of attention, blah, blah, blah.......
And you are always gonna have a couple that are gonna buck the system.
She's not hateful , no blatant disobedience, not even disrespectful-
She just throws caution to wind if it means that she can be apart
of the group.
If Carson has a Baby Alive, she has to have a Baby Alive. If Julia has new Littlest
Pet Shoppe toys, she has to have Littlest Pet Shoppe toys.
Barbies, Toy Makeup, Paper Dolls,Press On Nails, you name it....She thinks she
"NEEDS" it.
Every time there is a commercial on NOGGIN, she sees the new toy and
begs for it!
And don't let her see a McDonald's Happy Meal commercial! You will hear
about that until she gets one...And then its not the one that she wanted!
On and On and On and On......
Rachel is 4, now. 4 1/2 ,actually, and we really have to start addressing
these issues with her and it is tough.
She is so darned cute, that you just hate to get on to her..but I know where
she will be 10 years from now if I don't.
COOL is a really big deal to her.
She already cares more that the 5 and 6 years olds think she's cool,
than she does about her father and I being unhappy with her behavior.
Can you imagine THAT with a car and a pocketful of money!
Not willing to go there!
I guess that's why I felt blessed by this particular chapter.
What did I gleen from it?
Well that maybe I should spend a little more time helping Rachel to
see that she is Cool even if she doesn't have a certain doll, or Happy Meal.
She is Cool, even if the big kids don't want to play with her.
She is Cool just the way God made her.
And that she should love herself because God loves her
just the way she is.
It's funny, I read through this book all the time and I don't
remember this part.
Guess you find it when you need it....
Crazy!
Peace.